Monday, August 22, 2011

Introducing a revolution in baseball cards...

Here's the Mad Lib:



In recognition of the Women's World Cup, O-Pee-Chee pays tribute with new Radium Bravery Baseball Cards.



The base set consists of 5,629 stars, rookies, prospects and retired players on the finest slippery cardstock. Every box is guaranteed to have at least one Gerald Laird autograph.


The insert checklist for this set is incredibly gnarly, with Pack-Searcher Refractors of Snooki and Larry the Cable Guy. Look for hobby exclusive cards die cut in the shape of a coatimundi.
Each card from the base set will also have 13 parallels. Parallels will come in a variety of colors, such as mauve, and textures, such as lollipop.



The gimmickry abounds in this new product, as special variations base cards can be found of several shortstops spelunking with a baseball.


The relic set includes rare artifacts from a variety of Colt .45s. Items embedded into cards include plain white jerseys, event-used wads of chew, and game-worn knickers.


Each box comes with one of two boxloaders. The relic boxloaders will contain an entire deep-fried oreo found in a Petco Park bathroom. If you are hairy enough, you may receive a special boxloader redemption card, good for a free Hideo Nomo tattoo on your big toe.


One lucky collector will come across a DNA Irrefutable Box, in which each pack contains an actual piece of Ty Cobb.


This product is certain to crush the shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits out of Upper Deck Documentary.




...Well, that was good fun.  Certainly went out with a bang.  While making the customs, I searched for pictures of a "big toe".  I dare you to google image search "big toe".  See how far down the page you can get without puking.  Thanks for everyone's help!

13 comments:

Dennis said...

"Every box is guaranteed to have at least one Gerald Laird autograph."

YOU MONSTER, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? Great post, I loved it!

SpastikMooss said...

Lol so worth it. Nice post. I would totally collect the coatamundi die cuts.

BA Benny said...

Very Nice!! I want a Jeter coatamundi die cut and a David Wright lollipop card!

cardhobbyist said...

Every shortstop should wear a spelunking helmet. Especially for night games.

Dennis said...

That Cobb finger doesn't look old or racist enough to be legit. Has that been authenticated by BGS?

The Lost Collector said...

Great stuff. A special thanks for the slippery cardstock.

Nathan said...

hahaha, great stuff

Ryan G said...

Don't most softball infielders wear spelunking helmets?

And where the heck is the David DeJesus autograph?!?! Oh right, this isn't a Topps product.

Would there be a Snooki autograph or relic? I would think you'd need to handle that with latex gloves or it would have to be hermetically sealed to avoid transfer of diseases or Jerseyitis.

It's only a matter of time before we get jock strap relics.

I think I lost a deep-fried oreo at Petco Park. It might be mine. Deep fried oreos are effin' awesome.

I think every product crushes the shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits out of UD Documentary.

Nice photoshopping, by the way.

Play at the Plate said...

I love Gerald Laird. Put me down for a box! Funny stuff.

mmmrhubarb said...

coatamundi die cuts ftw! But not Jeter, please

very fun -- gotta do this again sometime

Josh D. said...

I bought a pack of this at my LCS this afternoon. I keep dropping them...THEY ARE TOO SLIPPERY. I can't see myself collecting the set -- all my coatimundi cards are for trade.

Ryan G said...

Josh, if you have any of the lollipop parallels, I'm looking to trade for them! I'm going to build the set!

Josh D. said...

The only lollipop parallel I have is...you guessed it...Gerald Laird!