Saturday, March 16, 2013

I don't wanna grow up, I'm a...


I had to hop into Toys R Us recently to grab some baby supplies, so naturally I ended up at the sports card rack.  They had a whole row of discounted stuff, both good and bad.  Each item was $3.99.  That's all well and good for rack packs, but not good when there are little hanger packs of Opening know, the same Opening Day packs that are regularly $2.99.  There were two gems, though, in the form of 2010 Topps Chrome value packs. $3.99 is a steal.

I thought I was getting a good deal, which was true.  However, I was actually getting a better deal than I thought.

First off, let me apologize that my receipt looks like it came from a card-collecting Ryan Braun.  Ignore the last two items.  As it turns out, the cards were 20% off.  Sweet.  $3.19 apiece.  They were also buy-one-get-one-50% off, so the second one ended up being $1.59.  That is awesome.  Five bucks for 2 value packs is great.

2010 Chrome does have one big drawback, though.  These cards were curved so bad I could have used the value packs like slap bracelets.  I stacked up the individual packs just for fun:

That's a sexy little curve you got there.
In some facets of life, having a little curve to you can make for a more pleasurable experience.  Cards do not make up one of those facets.  But, $5...still a good freaking deal.

Another drawback to 2010 Chrome is the presence of a terroristy powder all over them.  Apparently Topps didn't want these cards getting too attached while they were bent over spooning each other.

Topps did do really well in one aspect, though.  Apparently one Topps employee saw these cards pre-production and thought, "who the f!ck is going to buy this curvy, dusty sh!t?  I better douse these b!tches in maple syrup ASAP."  That's right.  Topps Chrome is the most deliciously aromatic card product on the planet.  That's innovation, folks. Just thinking about it makes my mouth water.  It also reminds me of a marketing idea I have for Topps.  Instead of a stick of gum, give each pack an individually wrapped slice of bacon.

Bacon is always a winner.  Have any of you ever seen Chopped on the Food Network.  That show cracks me up.  The winner is always the person who adds bacon.  They could open their baskets and find rye bread, peanuts, and a paper bag full of dog shit and it would still play out like this:

"Jimmy, your Poonut Bread Pudding tastes like shit."
"Veronica, this Peanut Chicken with Turd Sauce and Rye Toast really has the flavor of shit."
"Rick, your Peanut Butter and Shit Jelly Sandwich is really overpowered by the shit taste."
"Jessica, these Nutshit Bacon Sliders are truly divine.  The bacon really just melts in your mouth."

Every time. 

Seriously, if bacon were currency, we would all be fat and broke.  I guess that wouldn't really be a change from the present, but you get what I'm saying. 

I love me some bacon.  I think I have a pound in the fridge...


Chris Reed said...

Pure gold this.

Also I can't go to TrU without visiting the LEGO section. I have problems.

Spiegel83 said...

Is it creepy for a single guy in his late 20s without any kids to be perousing around a Toy R Us looking for cards? They have some sweet deals.

Ryan H said...

There are so many awesome things in this post that I don't even care what cards you pulled.... unless it was a bacon-fractor of Nick Markakis numbered 1/1.

The maple syrup smell makes me want to go to TRU to see if they have any. Maybe on the way I'll stop at Cracker Barrel for some French Toast and Bacon.

Also, if you don't make a sauce on Chopped, you're going to lose. If you make a bacon sauce, you will be Chopped Champion.