Thursday, August 2, 2012
MCM Exclusive Interview: Deputy Danny Young
MCM: Thanks for sitting down for this exclusive My Cardboard Mistress interview. I know you are very busy with the investigation, so we greatly appreciate your time. As a 27-year-old myself, I hold a great deal of respect for your commitment to the job. Of course, I know you are keeping the investigation close to the chest, so we'll move right into the real topic I want to discuss: Cards.
DDY: Okay, excellent. I would first like to say how honored I am to be on the most cleverly humorous and delightfully ironic blog in the history of baseball card blogs. My Cardboard Mistress is a golden ray of light beaming through the darkness created by cardblog underworld kingpin, Night Owl. Night Owl's impeccable grammar and ability to generate interesting readable posts has nothing on MCM's poor graphics and piss jokes.
MCM: Thank you for those kind words. Night Owl truly is incapable of incoherent posting, and we can only hope that he at least has a sense of humor. Now, onto the question I have been dying to ask: What was it like to find out that you were going to be included in the 2012 Topps Allen & Ginter set?
DDY: Well, being an avid collector, and knowing that A&G is the best set every year and anyone who doesn't like it is a poopyhead, I was thrilled. However, I must say I was a little suspicious. You see, Lennie Guttman, the subject of both my current investigation and the Murder in Willow Cove insert set, was found murdered on July 18, 2012.
MCM: I'm sorry, I don't follow. Why would it be suspicious that Guttman's murder occurred exactly 7 days AFTER the card set was released? Why would you be concerned that an entire insert set regarding a murder was developed over the course of several months before the murder actually took place?
DDY: Well, it's hard to say. I do have reason to believe that Topps may be trying to profit off of these cards.
MCM: I see. My deductive reasoning skills tell me that it's probably just a coincidence. Speaking of money, how much much money did Topps pay you for your image and bio for the card?
DDY: $1,952 in Monopoly money. It didn't look like the money for the game, but that's what Topps called it. And man, they love that 1952 number. Good gracious, talk about obsession. In addition to the money, I also had to change my middle name to Mickey Mantle.
MCM: That seems fair. One famous blogger, by the name of Fuji, recently asked the question, "what are the three most prized possessions in your collecion?" I'd like to pose that same question to you.
DDY: That's a tough one. For the first thing, I think I have to go vintage and say a 1953 Frontier Days #55 Deputy Sheriff. It really gets to the heart of why I do what I do.
MCM: Do you have that one graded?
DDY: Yes, originally it was PSA 8, but I resubmitted it to Beckett and got a 9.5. As for my second most prized possession is my complete set of 2008 Rittenhouse Bowling Autographs. I'm pretty sure it's the only complete set out there. It's one of those things that takes me back to my high school days working at Guttman's.
MCM: And your third favorite?
DDY: Well, like the first item, this collection also reflects my passion for justice. When I made deputy, I decided to collect athletes who have been arrested or cited since 2000.
MCM: I see...so you collect mostly football, then.
DDY: Correct. Every football pack I open is like reeling in my own little handful of lawbreakers. To date, I have started collections of the following short list of arrested and cited football players: A.J. Nicholson, Aaron Beasley, Aaron Berry, Aaron Gibson, Adam "Pacman" Jones, Adrian Awasom, Adrian Jones, Adrian Klemm, Ahmad Bradshaw, Ahmad Brooks, Ahmad Carroll, Ahman Green, Akeem Jordan, Akili Smith, Albert Connell, Albert Haynesworth, Aldon Smith, Alex Ardley, Alex Magee, Andre Hall, Andre Rison, Anthony Davis, Anthony Hargrove, Anthony Mix, Anthony Spencer, Anthony Waters, Antonio Bryant, Antonio Pierce, Antwan Applewhite, Aqib Talib, Ataveus Cash, B.J. Sams, Barrett Brooks, Ben Kelly, Benji Olson, Benny Sapp, Bill Romanowski, Biren Ealy, Bobby Hamilton, Bobby McCray, Brad Hopkins, Brandon Jones, Brandon Marshall, Brandon Meriweather, Brandon Underwood, Braylon Edwards, Brent Hawkins, Bret Lockett, Brian Griese, Brian Williams, Brock Marion, Bruce Smith, Bryan McCann, Bryan Pittman, Bryan Robinson, Bryant McKinnie, Bryant McNeal, Bryce Fisher, Byron Westbrook, Caleb King, Cato June, Cedric Benson, Cedric Griffin, Cedrick Wilson, Chad Rinehart, Charles Grant, Charles Sharon, Charles Woodson, Charlie Rogers, Chester Pitts, Chris Chambers, Chris Cook, Chris Davis, Chris Henry, Chris Jennings, Chris McAlister, Chris Naeole, Chris Simms, Chris Terry, Chris Walsh, Claude Terrell, Claude Wroten Jr., Cletis Gordon, Cliff Crosby, Corey Dillon, Corey Fuller, Corey McIntyre, Cornell Brown, Cornell Green, Cortland Finnegan, Cory Rodgers, Courtney Watson, D.J. Williams, Damien Robinson, Damion McIntosh, Damon Moore, Dana Stubblefield, Daniel Graham, Danny Ware, D'Anthony Batiste, Daren Stone, Darnay Scott, Darnell McDonald, Darrell Hackney, Darrell Reid, Darrell Russell, Darren Hambrick, Darren Perry, Darrion Scott, Darrius Heyward-Bey, Daunte Culpepper, David Boston, David Diehl, David Kircus, David Macklin, David Terrell, David Tyree, DeDe Dorsey, Deltha O'Neal, De'Mond Parker, Deon Anderson, Derreck Robinson, Derrick Martin, Derrick Morgan, Derrick Rodgers, Deshea Townsend, Deuce McAllister, Dhani Jones, Dominic Rhodes, Dominique Byrd, Donald Strickland, Donte Nicholson, Donte Stallworth, Donte Whitner, Dwayne Carswell, Dwayne Goodrich, Dwayne Jarrett, Dwight Smith, E.J. Henderson, E.J. Kuale, Ed Johnson, Eddie Kennison, Elvis Dumervil, Eric Steinbach, Eric Warfield, Eric Weems, Erik Walden, Everson Griffen, Fabian Washington, Fakhir Brown, Fili Moala, Frank Walker, Fred Davis, Fred Evans, Fred Lane, Fred Smoot, Fred Taylor, Fred Weary, Frostee Rucker, Garrett Wolfe, Gary Stills, Geno Hayes, Geoffrey Pope, Gerald Sensabaugh, Gerard Lawson, Gerard Warren, Gerome Sapp, Greg Wesley, Harry Coleman, Hines Ward, J.J. Arrington, J.T. Thomas, Jabar Gaffney, Jacoby Jones, Jamal Lewis, Jamal Williams, Jameel Cook, James Harrison, James Lynch, Jammal Brown, Jared Allen, Jarriel King, Jarrod Cooper, Jason Gesser, Jason Peters, Javarris James, Jay Bellamy, Jeff Garcia, Jeff Graham, Jeff Reed, Jeremiah Parker, Jeremiah Pharms, Jeremy Bridges, Jeremy Newberry, Jermaine Haley, Jermaine Phillips, Jerome Felton, Jerome Mathis, Jerome Murphy, Jerome Simpson, Jerramy Stevens, Jerry Hughes, Jevon Kearse, Jimmy Smith, Jimmy Williams, Joe Johnson, Joe Joseph, Joey Galloway, Joey Porter, John Abraham, John Davis, John Gill, John Gilmore, John Mobley, Johnathan Joseph, Johnathan Sullivan, Johnny Culbreath, Johnny Jolly, Jon Beason, Jonathan Babineaux, Jonathan Vilma, Joseph Jefferson, Julian Edelman, Junior Siavii, Juqua Parker, Juran Bolden, Justin Blackmon, Justin Durant, Justin Miller, Justin Smith, Kalimba Edwards, Kalvin Pearson, Kareem McKenzie, Karl Paymah, Keith Elias, Keith Hamilton, Keith Traylor, Kellen Winslow Jr., Kelly Campbell, Kenny Britt, Kenny Mixon, Kenny Wright, Kenoy Kennedy, Kenton Keith, Kenyatta Jones, Kevin Alexander, Kevin Ellison, Kevin Faulk, Kevin Ogletree, Kevin Williams, Khalif Barnes, Kili Lefotu, King Dunlap, Knowshon Moreno, Ko Simpson, Koa Misi, Kolomona Kapanui, Koren Robinson, Lamar Chapman, Lamar Smith, Lance Briggs, Lance Louis, Larry Johnson, Larry Ned, Laurence Maroney, Lawrence Tynes, Lawrence Wilson, Lawyer Milloy, Legedu Naanee, Leigh Bodden, LenDale White, Leon Hall, Leon Searcy, Leonard Little, Leonardo Carson, Leroy HIll, Levi Jones, Lew Bush, Lionel Dalton, Lionel Gates, Lofa Tatupu, Louis Murphy, Marco Rivera, Marcus Coleman, Marcus Johnson, Marcus Thomas, Mario Bates, Mario Henderson, Mario Urrutia, Mark Chmura, Markus Curry, Marques Anderson, Marquise Walker, Marshawn Lynch, Marvel Smith, Marvin White, Matt Jones, Matt McCoy, Matt Prater, Matt Roth, Matt Schaub, Matt Spaeth, Matt Wilhelm, Matthias Askew, Maurice Purify, Michael Boley, Michael Bush, Michael Hawthorne, Michael Merritt, Michael Pittman, Michael Richardson, Michael Vick, Mike Doss, Mike Mason, Mike Nattiel, Mike Patterson, Mike Rumph, Mike Sellers, Mike Vrabel, Mike Williams, Mikel Leshoure, Moe Williams, Montae Reagor, Muhsin Muhammad, Najeh Davenport, Nate Collins, Neil Rackers, Nick Barnett, Nick Fairley, Nick Harper, Nick Kaczur, O.J. Santiago, Odell Thurman, Owen Schmitt, Pat McAfee, Patrick Surtain, Paul Edinger, Paul Hubbard, Paul Zukauskas, Peppi Zellner, Perrish Cox, Phillip Merling, Plaxico Burress, Quincy Wilson, Quinn Ojinnaka, Quintin Williams, Quinton Ganther, R. Jay Soward, Rabih Abdullah, Raheem Brock, Ramon Walker, Randy McMichael, Randy Moss, Randy Starks, Ray Lewis, Ray McDonald, Reagan Mauia, Reggie McNeal, Reggie Williams, Reuben Droughns, Rey Maualuga, Rhett Bomar, Ricardo Colclough, Richard Collier, Richard Quinn, Richard Seigler, Ricky Manning Jr, Ricky Williams, Robaire Smith, Robert Reynolds, Rocky Bernard, Rod Coleman, Rod Smith, Roderick Green, Rodney Wright, Rolando McClain, Ronald Fields, Ronnie Brown, Ronyell Whitaker, Roscoe Parrish, Ross Verba, Ryan Krause, Ryan McBean, Sam Brandon, Sam Hurd, Samari Rolle, Samson Satele, Santonio Holmes, Sean Locklear, Sean Taylor, Sebastian Janikowski, Sergio Kindle, Shaun Ellis, Shaun Phillips, Shaun Rogers, Shawne Merriman, Sheldon Jackson, Solomon Page, Spencer Havner, Stacey Mack, Steve Farmer, Steve Foley, Steve McNair, Steve Smith, Stockar McDougle, T.J. Slaughter, Taj Smith, Tamarick Vanover, Tank Williams, Terrell Suggs, Terrence Carroll, Terrence Kiel, Terry "Tank" Johnson, Terry Glenn, Thomas Hamner, Todd Sauerbrun, Tommy Hendricks, Tommy Kelly, Tony Fein, Tony Hutson, Tony McDaniel, Torrie Cox, Trai Essex, Travarous Bain, Travis Henry, Travis Taylor, Tremain Mack, Ty Law, Tyrell Johnson, Tyrone Calico, Usama Young, Vaughn Booker, Victor Riley, Vince Young, Vincent Burns, Vincent Jackson, Vinny Sutherland, Vonta Leach, Wayne Chrebet, Wayne Hunter, Wendell Bryant, Will Allen, Will Billingsley, Will Smith, William Green, William Moore, Willie Andrews, Willie Middlebrooks, and Willie Roaf.
MCM: Impressive...sounds like quite a collection.
DDY: Yeah, and each one has his own little Lego jail cell.
MCM:How quaint. Well, I'd love to keep talking, but my motivation is going down the crapper. After all, this is only the zeroeth round of the contest.
DDY: What contest?
MCM: The one over at Nachos Grande, duh.